Its OK to have bad days.
Updated: Sep 6, 2019
Example 1, the girls should have been in bed and settled half an hour ago, instead I am sitting here shouting at the top of my lungs for the tenth time about why I will not get the lemur teddy down from the cupboard due to her bed already looking like the bloody stuffed toy isle in toys R us, and no I will not fix that minion because you should have been lying asleep half a bloody hour ago not playing.
Then i realise my windows have been open all day and my neighbour has pretty much heard me screeching at the kids since 6am. I don't really think others can hear me until I leave the house and my neighbour gives me that awkward smile as if to say she thinks I am a complete nut case, but then again Its not until I walk past other peoples houses and can hear muffled shouting coming from within that I think thank god I am not alone, I feel your pain mumma.
I love my kids but they can be bloody horrid, I think of all the times I have lost it today and they include a meltdown due to said child not being able to pop a water balloon, a tantrum in the toy isle of Asda because I wouldn't purchase the £20 water gun, being screamed at because they are starving even though they had a full on buffet lunch not even 10 minutes ago, then being given a dirty look from a passer by as if I starve my children, its days like this I really feel I have no idea what on earth I am doing. People joke saying oh i'm definitely not cut out for this parenting stuff, but in reality I do have days when I think that's true, especially when I am having a particularly bad anxiety day and everything seems to be going wrong.
I have had panic attacks, anxiety attacks, meltdowns, secret crying in the bathroom not only because I am very pregnant and hormonal, but also due to me feeling like a complete failure at times, I can have days when it feels like all I do is shout at them, curse under my breath or hide in the kitchen to get 5 minutes to myself before I have a complete mental breakdown.
But then I will walk past their bedroom and see drawings they have done of mummy, its the little random kisses they give just because they wanted to, the smiles on their faces as we read a story together and I think I bloody love being a mum.
Its seriously OK to have bad days which for me feels like most of the time at the moment, who cares if the neighbours think i'm a complete nutter or if I haven't had the strength to wash my hair in a few days due to being not only physically but mentally exhausted, my children are all that matter. Bad sometimes awful days DO NOT make you a bad parent, they make you human, if your not shouting at your kids then are you really parenting at all?
Being a mother is bloody hard, you don't get to go to college and do a special course on keeping your shit together, you don't get lessons on how to cope with a full meal being thrown at you or the floor due to it being the wrong colour, but every parent is in the same boat, its about learning as you go, taking the bad with the good. Parenting is a wonderful gift, even if I have learnt that the hard way.
From one awkward parent to another, your doing perfectly fine and we are all in this together.
P.S its now an hour after bed time they are still running riot.